drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
