I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
