Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
