i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
