Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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