It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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