My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
