Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
