Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
