His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
