Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
