so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
