You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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