It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
