my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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