Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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