i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
