I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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