i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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