New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize