Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
