My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
