i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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