I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
