pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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