I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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