Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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