Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
