Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
