I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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