i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
