Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
