Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Couch. On fire.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
