There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dignity is for republicans.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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