you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
