if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
