this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
