Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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