he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My ATM looks so different sober.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
