$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
