Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize