I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We left the knife in your bed.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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