You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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