i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
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