Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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