Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
