my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
