i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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