last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
