just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We need to feng shui this bitch.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
