Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
