the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
