how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
im drinking this country out of the recession.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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