My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
