I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
