I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
