Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
