Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
