I wanna bring you to show and tell
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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