I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i out mim tonsoeep
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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