It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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