So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
