I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
