Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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