O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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