after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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