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I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
