There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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