Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
