So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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