if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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