I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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