haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
