Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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