Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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