is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
