I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize