everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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