I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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