remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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