Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
someone owes me an orgasm
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
