Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
