The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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