I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
