if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
