I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize