remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
