I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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