Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
