If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize