the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
