and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
