tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
