HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize