a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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