OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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