so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
