We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
When are your genitals available?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize