I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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