They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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