You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
